Breaking free from the pressure to be perfect

For most of my life, I had always believed I needed to be perfect to be accepted. I believed that if I worked hard enough, and never made a mistake, I would finally feel worthy of love, success, and peace. From the outside, it looked like I had it all together. Inside, I was exhausted and anxious.

The pressure to be perfect wasn’t something anyone forced on me. It was a silent expectation I carried everywhere I went. It was fed by comparison, fear of failure, and the belief that being “enough” meant being flawless. It took years and a lot of unlearning to realize that perfection isn’t the goal. Authenticity is.

In this article, I’m sharing my own journey; the moments that shaped my perfectionism, and everything that helped me break free. I hope that by opening up my story, you’ll feel less alone in yours.

All my life, I've always felt I needed to be this perfect lady. Everything I did was always to impress people. I lived my life in the cage of what others think of me. I'd beat myself up if I make mistakes. I didn't want people to see that weak version of me. I thought I'd be made fun of and no one would accept me. It was hard living like this for years. I hid beautiful parts about me from people who intentionally cared. I became a shadow of myself. I knew I was beginning to lose my true sense of identity. I was shrinking on the inside but as long as people thought I had it all together, there was nothing to worry about. Because of how much I hated my true self. I started codepending on anyone who comes along. It grew into monophobia and I became scared of being with my true self. I'd beg people to not leave me. I was treated like crap and taken for granted just because I already lost my identity. It went on and on for 5 beautiful years of my life.

But one day, something in me shifted. It wasn’t loud or sudden, it was a quiet exhaustion that whispered, “You can’t keep doing this.” I was tired of molding myself into someone I didn’t recognize, tired of chasing love and acceptance by abandoning myself. I realized I couldn’t keep begging others to stay when I hadn’t even chosen to stay with me. It was painful, but I began to ask myself: Who am I, really, when no one is watching? I didn’t have all the answers, but I knew I had to start peeling back the layers I had built to survive. Maybe the real me was worth loving after all. Maybe the real me isn't something I should keep from people. I started to show who exactly I was bit by bit. I had to redefine my journey. 

The journey back to my original self wasn't easy. I had to face the part of me I had kept hidden from everyone for so long; the fear, the anger, the sadness and even the dreams I had silenced just to please some set of people. Some days, I still wanted to run back to the comfort of pretending, of hiding, of pleasing and disappearing. But, I started doing little things: saying no when I'm meant to. Letting myself cry without shame. Spending time alone without feeling abandoned. It felt strange at first, even wrong. It was very hard too. At night I cried because I felt I couldn't push further. But deep down, I knew this was what healing looked like. Not perfect but real. And for the first time, l chose myself, even if my voice was shaky while doing it. I'm glad I fought it and became that authentic version of myself!