FINDING YOUR VOICE : OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF SPEAKING UP.

  Ever noticed how, in every group, there’s always that one person who somehow owns the room without even trying? They speak, and it’s like the whole place pauses to listen. Their voice just cuts through the noise like it was made to be heard. And then, on the other side, there’s that quiet soul — the one sitting there with so many beautiful, brilliant things to say, but for some reason, the words just won’t come out. Maybe you’ve found yourself in that category more times than you’d like to admit. And honestly? That’s okay.

We’re not all made the same way. Some people are naturally bold, loud, and unbothered — the ones who can spark conversations with strangers, call out bad service without blinking, and somehow always have the last word. Then there are some  people, the ones who stay in the background a little more. The ones who watch, who feel everything deeply, who think twice — sometimes ten times — before speaking. And that’s fine too. 

  But if we’re being real, sometimes it’s not just about personality. Sometimes, the silence isn’t because they want to be quiet… it’s because they’re scared. Scared of sounding foolish. Scared of getting it wrong. Scared that no one will care what we have to say. And it’s a heavy kind of fear because on the outside, it just looks like calmness or indifference. But inside, there’s a voice begging to be heard.

WHAT ARE THE FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO THE FEAR OF SPEAKING UP?

  Let’s be real for a second: speaking up can be terrifying. It sounds simple in theory, right? Just open your mouth and say what’s on your mind. But in reality, it sometimes feels like trying to climb a mountain, in flip-flops, with no water, and a weak knee.

But why does it feel that hard?

Well, a couple of things are usually hiding behind that fear. It’s not just about the words; it’s about everything that comes after them. The looks, the reactions, the what ifs. “What if they don’t get it?”, “What if I embarrass myself ?”, “What if I cause drama?”. It’s a whole mental drama by itself before you’ve even said a word.

Some of the major factors include;

1. Family Background.

A lot of people don’t talk about how your family background can shape the way you use your voice — or don’t. If you grew up in a home where children were meant to be ‘seen and not heard,’ or where expressing yourself was treated like disrespect, it sticks with you. You learn very early that speaking your mind might come with consequences. Maybe it was the harsh look from a parent, the “keep quiet” in the middle of a conversation, the side eye when you try to talk, or the subtle way your opinions were brushed aside like they didn’t matter.

And the thing is, even when you grow older and find yourself in different rooms, with different people, that fear doesn’t just disappear. You might still hear those voices in your head saying “Don’t say too much,” or “You’ll only cause trouble.” So, you play it safe. You keep your brilliant ideas, your honest feelings, your boundaries, all locked away somewhere inside you because somewhere along the line, you were taught that silence was safer. It takes time, and a lot of unlearning, to realise your voice is yours to use — and it’s worthy of being heard

2. Fear Of Being Judged

Let’s be honest, nobody wants to be side-eyed or made to feel stupid. Nobody enjoys being the one people secretly laugh at or quietly judged and that’s one big reason a lot of people stay quiet. Because in their heads, it’s like, “What if I say this and everyone thinks I’m awkward? What if I sound foolish? What if they just stare at me like, ‘what’s this one saying?’” That tiny voice in your head? It can be so loud sometimes. Before you even open your mouth, you’ve already imagined five embarrassing scenarios — so you just keep quiet

3. Fear Of Rejection or Disapproval.

  Sometimes, it’s not even about people judging you — it’s the fear of not being accepted after you finally gather the courage to speak your truth. Deep down, we all want to belong. We want to feel seen, heard, and valued. And the thought that your feelings, ideas, or opinions might be waved off, misunderstood, or flat-out rejected? It stings before you’ve even said a word. So, you keep it in. Even when it’s burning at the back of your throat, you swallow it, because the fear of losing your place or standing out in the wrong way feels heavier than the relief of letting it out. Most of us find ourselves in this situation— even though we are the outspoken type, because we just can’t face rejection and can’t imagine getting a “no”.

4. Past Experiences.

  Let’s not even pretend like our past doesn’t shape the way we move through life. It does — sometimes more than we realise. If you’ve ever spoken up before and it ended badly, you’ll understand this. Maybe someone cut you off mid-sentence, embarrassed you in front of others, made you feel stupid, or acted like your words didn’t matter. And the sad thing is, moments like that don’t just fade away. You carry them, quietly, sometimes without even noticing.

Then the next time you want to speak, that same memory pops up like an unwanted guest. It starts whispering things like, “Remember how awkward it was the last time? Remember how they ignored you? Don’t bother.” And even though deep down you know it’s not fair to let one bad experience define you, it’s hard to shake off. It’s like a scar you can’t quite see but you feel it every time you try to raise your voice. And over time, those tiny, silent moments start to pile up.

5. Desire To Avoid Conflict.

  Let’s be honest — not everybody has the strength for wahala. Some people would rather keep their opinions to themselves and pretend like everything’s fine than risk scattering the table. And if you’ve ever lived in a home, gone to a school, or worked in a place where one small disagreement could turn into unnecessary drama, you probably mastered the art of staying silent just to keep the peace.

It’s not that you don’t have things to say. In fact, half the time, your chest is tight with unspoken words. But the fear of tension, arguments, or making things awkward holds you back. You start to weigh the options: “Should I say this and deal with the aftermath, or should I just let it go and keep my peace?” And nine times out of ten, you swallow your words, bottle up your feelings, and carry the weight quietly.

  The aforementioned factors are just some major factors, there are other factors that contribute to not speaking out and this issue raises concerns because it hinders growth and a lot of things.

CONSEQUENCES OF NOT SPEAKING UP.

  Giving in to fear and staying silent can bring consequences that are worse than the anxiety that comes with speaking up. These consequences last longer and affect different areas of your life. 

When you suppress your emotions constantly, it takes a toll on your mental well-being. The fear of speaking up prevents you from expressing your thoughts and feelings when you need to. It becomes exhausting as you hide your true feelings to avoid conflict. This makes you experience stress, anxiety, and depression. Feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness creep in, and you get stuck in a prolonged state of internal suffering. Physical health consequences like high blood pressure can also result. 

The feeling of hurt inside you can boil over into your relationships. When you refuse to speak up in a bid to make others comfortable, you might avoid conflict but resentment builds up within you. This bubbles over into anger and dissatisfaction. These feelings create psychological distance between you and your loved ones. Eventually, the situation becomes worse and it can lead to a break in the relationship. 

Furthermore, continuously staying silent and avoiding difficult conversations can put you at a disadvantage in relationships with others. When you barely speak up about what you want and deserve, other people may assume that your thoughts and feelings are not as important as theirs. They take you for granted and act in an inconsiderate manner. This triggers deeper feelings of resentment and anger in your relationships. 

Your voice is one of your most powerful tools to build a strong brand at work. When you fail to speak up about your ideas, values, and accomplishments at work, you choose to remain invisible. Promotions and opportunities you deserve are given to people who communicate their ideas and confidence. Your work alone will not speak for itself. If you stay quiet, you risk being overlooked and staying stagnant in your career.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS TO OVERCOME FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING.

  Learning to speak up will build your confidence, self-esteem, and stronger relationships. No matter how nervous using your voice makes you feel, you are capable of overcoming the fear of speaking up. Like any skill, it requires practice, patience, and the right strategies. It’s not something you can learn in a day, but by putting the possible solutions below into practice, you’ll definitely get rid of that cobweb in your throat.

1. Taking A Step At A Time.

  Honestly, the best way to get comfortable with speaking up is to start bit-by-bit. You don’t have to go full motivational-speaker mode overnight. Baby steps. Ease into it.

Start with the little, everyday stuff. When your friends are debating where to eat, instead of saying “anything is fine”(when you know it’s not), suggest a place you actually want— don’t just give in to things you’re uncomfortable with because you want to fit in or you don’t want to be the weird one. Also, when someone’s giving their hot take about a movie or a song you didn’t vibe with, don’t be scared to say, “Ah, I didn’t really enjoy it sha.”

It might not feel like a big deal, but those tiny moments add up. Each time you speak up, you’re reminding yourself that nothing terrible happens when you use your voice. Nobody dragged you, the world didn’t end. And before you know it, those little bold moments start turning into bigger ones.

2. Getting Rid Of Negative Thoughts.

    Many people find that their thoughts fuel their fear of public speaking. It is normal to imagine the worst would happen, whether that is being rejected, criticized, or punished. However, these fears are generally worse than reality. To correct these inaccurate pictures, pay attention to your thoughts and practice looking at situations more realistically. For example, sharing your professional opinion at a work meeting will not get you fired. You were employed for your expertise. 

3. Being Emotionally Free With Yourself and Practicing Basic Techniques.

  Some of the fear that comes with speaking up stems from a fear of emotional reactions. You may be afraid of talking with a shaky voice, freezing, or even crying when you speak— appearing weak generally. One thing that really helps is learning how to manage those nerves when they creep in. Simple stuff like deep breathing or just taking a quiet moment to steady yourself can work wonders. It might sound small, but trust me, it makes a difference when your heart’s racing and your thoughts are all over the place.

Another thing is pausing before you speak. Don’t rush it. Take a second to breathe, gather your thoughts, and then say what’s on your mind. It gives you time to choose your words properly and stops you from blurting out something you didn’t mean — or freezing up completely. Little tricks like this can help you stay calm and in control when it matters most.

4. Be Authentic And Calm, Not Rude and Aggressive.

  As you learn to use your voice and speak up, remember that you should remain authentic. If you are a naturally gentle person, you do not have to become aggressive or confrontational to be heard— sometimes fear can make you act like the opposite of what you really are. One thing that really works is learning how to say what’s on your mind without sounding harsh or awkward. You don’t have to start with anything deep. Simple lines like “I actually see this a bit differently” or “Can I suggest something else?” are perfect ways to ease into sharing your opinion. It’s not about being rude or aggressive — it’s about calmly standing your ground.

And the trick? Keep doing it. The more you practice speaking up like this, the easier it gets. It might feel weird at first, but with time, you’ll find your rhythm. It’s like a muscle — the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

5. Find Your Right Circle.

Having the right people around you makes this whole speaking-up thing a lot easier. Honestly, it helps when you’ve got friends, family, or mentors who genuinely care about you and want to see you find your voice. People you can rant to, practice with, or call when you need a little pep talk.

They’ll be the ones to hype you up, give you honest feedback, and remind you when you’re doubting yourself that your voice matters. Because sometimes, all it takes is one person saying “You’ve got this” to push you out of your comfort zone. Find your people — it makes the journey a whole lot lighter.

CONCLUSION.

Learning to use your voice and speak up is one of the best investments you can make in yourself, it is a skill that you develop over time. It won’t happen like a magic, but only by putting into practice, these strategies, and staying calm during the whole process. Staying silent has consequences in different areas of your life that are worse than the fear you feel when you try to speak up— they drain you beyond what you can even imagine.

 At the end of the day, finding your voice is a journey, not something you figure out overnight. We all come from different backgrounds, carry different fears, and have our own scars that make speaking up feel scary sometimes. And that’s okay. What matters is that you start somewhere — even if it’s just by saying where you’d like to eat, disagreeing with a movie opinion, or telling a friend how you honestly feel.

The fears will show up, the nerves will come, and old memories might try to hold you back, but with small, consistent steps, you’ll slowly learn to trust your voice. Surround yourself with people who remind you that you deserve to be heard, manage those anxious moments when they creep in, and most importantly — don’t rush it. Bit by bit, you’ll find yourself speaking up in rooms you once thought you didn’t belong in. And when that happens, you’ll realise your voice was always enough. It just needed you to believe it.