The Weight of Becoming 

Growing up, I looked forward to being an adult. I believed it would give me the freedom to make my own decisions and the opportunity to pursue the dreams I had carried for years. I thought that once I reached this stage, things would finally begin to make sense. Instead, I found myself asking questions I never expected.

No one really prepares you for your twenties. People talk about freedom, independence, and discovering yourself, but they rarely mention the uncertainty that comes with them. They do not tell you the quiet anxiety of not knowing enough, the expectation to achieve more, and the fear of disappointing those you love even when you are giving your best and how quickly plans can change or how often you will question whether you are making the right decisions.

There is an unspoken expectation that, by this age, you should have your life figured out. You should know the career you want, make good financial decisions, build meaningful relationships,  and move toward your goals. When your life does not match that path, it is easy to believe you have fallen behind. I had goals, made plans, and trusted that everything would happen in the order I had imagined. I never stopped to consider that some of those plans might not work out.

When they did not, I struggled with disappointment. I questioned myself and wondered if I had made the wrong choices. More than anything, I had to accept that life does not always move according to our plans. Accepting that was difficult, but it became the first step toward finding peace. As time passed, I realised I was not alone.

So many people my age experience the same anxiety. We congratulate each other on big wins, but almost nobody talks about the trials behind the scenes, the endless job applications, the career transitions, the rejections, or the heartbreak of watching a dream crumble. The truth is, most of us are just trying to keep our heads above water in whatever season we are in.

The pressure of expectations comes from everywhere. Relatives ask questions about your future. Friends hit major milestones before you do. Social media fills your screen with a constant loop of engagement photos, graduation pictures, business launches and career announcements. After a while, it becomes difficult to remember that people share their highlights, not their struggles.

I have had to unlearn judging my worth by things people could see. To me, progress had to look impressive: a new title, another certificate, or some flashy news worth sharing, but real growth is rarely photogenic. It happens in the dark when you are picking up the pieces after a setback, picking up a new skill from scratch, piecing your confidence back together, or simply deciding to get out of bed and try again. Nobody gives you an award for those moments, but they shape you more than any public achievement ever could.

We measure our worth by salaries, promotions, constantly staying busy, and public validation. While these things have their place, they do not fully define a meaningful life. Real success should bring peace. It should mean setting healthy boundaries and meaningful relationships, and trusting God’s timing rather than burning out to satisfy societal standards. It should reflect a life you enjoy, not one you want to escape.

If you are currently in the middle of your own season of waiting, growing, or feeling lost, I hope you stop viewing it as wasted time. You are not falling behind because your path looks different or failing because your journey takes longer than you expected. Real transformation does not always announce itself. Some of the most important changes happen long before anyone notices.